Destroying the Death Star

There are moments in life that change you. In a year of first for me, I found today to be unique. It all began during a class today as I passed out an essay assignment. When getting the assignment, a future inmate of a Federal Correctional Facility responded, “Mr. Prez, you are a massive Douche Bag” in anger, inciting a near riot in class. Many…and I mean many… would agree, but I digress…I was offended. This boy should have been tossed out years before my arrival. It is like dealing with two year old excrement.

Now for those of you who have known me for a while, you know my gusto for expletives has practically no bounds. I have been talking like a Saigon Whore since I was in the second grade, when my rage could no longer be caged.

As I have grown older, my vocabulary has become more Avant-Garde and I have mellowed out. However, in the category of expletives, I have remained a consistent source of vitriol for all who deserve it.

Almost amazingly, in the classroom I have transitioned into the “Czar of the Language Reprimand ”. In my position as educator, I have graduated to the rank of “Hypocritous Elitous”. I am no grammar ho, I don’t tell people how they butcher the English language. Even so, if I could refrain from swearing and talking like an illigitimate inbread moron in school for 20 years, anyone can.

In a twist, I have also been known to have an Ultimate Warrior/ Incredible Hulk style explosion when I am disrespected. You wouldn’t like me when I am angry.

After what will forever be known as “The Kid who will suck at life D-Bag Incident”, I found myself filling out paper work for the student's eventual 2 hours in ISS with a smile. I didn’t use my fists, diabolical verbiage, or dark sarcasm in the face of stupidity. I valued my position, my pay check, and I bottled the rage. Actually....I did use Dark Sarcasm. Sorry Roger Waters...its just how I role.

I was rewarded by Karma in the end. The song that blared from my car radio just happened to be a certain GnR classic.

It was then, …in the car, …that I realized I should have formed a G n R tribute band back in ‘91. I would be an awesome guitarist by now....


Hey, what can I say...the track we take to our Epiphany’s don’t always make sense people…


With a three day weekend to mull over some options, the Prez will return in the perfect sequel to "From Russia with Love", entitled "From Rhode Island with Affection". See you then!

State of the (Dis)Union

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaijfS5h73o

The State of the Union is now a slurpfest for the pundits and politicians alike. It is officially a pseudo-holiday of Super Bowl proportions for the cable news networks. It also wins for "Fakest Night of the Year". It is the moment the country seeks to hear a new message for the year to come and gets nothing but fake smiles, fake applause, jubilant congressional staffers/autograph seekers, and shout outs to the unlikely peeps in the house. I could have cared less until a friend e-mailed me a message that he was doing a running commentary of the event. A night of grading, reading, and sleep became one of high comedy, Nirvana clips, and big news from THE NIGHTWATCHMAN.

First off, the Message. The President is shitty and he knows it. Earlier in the day the VP was accused of trying to sacrifice Scooter Libby and save Karl Rove in a court of law. The war in Iraq has stripped him all credibility. For those of us who actually tallied up the votes of the 2000 election, the last 7 years have been a consistent case of the “chickens coming home to roost” for the entire administration. Now there is a call for “citizen reserves”. It is like these people are living in a dream world.

The complete lack of credibility made the message moot. I was more intrigued by the cut shots to the various dignitaries on hand for the occasion, including the several Democrats and Republicans already running for President in 2008. There was John McCain sleeping. Ditto for Joe Bidden and Ted Kennedy. It was interesting Bush brought up Africa, and the genocide in Darfur. It made Bono happy, so I was happy. However, not including a word on the reconstruction of New Orleans was at best an egregious error, and at worst the reason why he may be compared only to Emperor Nero in his ability to be callous and somehow revel in it. And forget about even a mention of Osama Bin Laden. He hasn’t been on Bush’s lips since they were seen riding bombs in a Music Video back in ‘03.

The fact Hilary Clinton was sitting behind Obama was and interesting visual. However, the highlight of the evening was the “shout outs” portion of the speech that actually happened later then in most State of the Union addresses. My personal favorite was the out of nowhere appearance of Dikembe Mutumbo. I have enjoyed this geriatric since I was Elementary school. The site of him towering over Laura Bush was great. I immediately hoped someone would produce a basketball for him to hold and fake like he was grabbing a rebound, increasing the likelihood of Mutumbo accidentally clocking the first lady in the grill .......then waging his finger at her. The “humble Subway Hero” was also great. First because the networks threw up the “Subway Hero” graphic, allowing millions of witty Americans to come up with a joke that included that D**** B*** “Jared from Subway”. Then as the guy was being honored, he started pointing to Bush and doing the whole heart pound thing and lifting his arms in the air. Now, I have never been asked to sit in the Presidential Box at the State of the Union. However, when that day happens, I won’t soak up the moment like I was doing my best Cuba Gooding Jr. impression. Even in Spanish. Lets just call him he “Subway Hero” from now on. Oh yeah, since when do people get honored by the President for charitable work like that lady? Oprah must be pissed….

Where do we go from here? Only Chris Matthews really knows. We have another one of these things next year. My predictions, the war in Iraq will still be raging and escalating the conflict with more troops will be discussed again. That will just be sad. I say Bush should pre-tape it in 10 minutes sections while siting in his bed room and puts it on Youtube. He could be next years Lonelygirl15. Its better then his current legacy....

Oh yeah, circle April 24th on the Calendar. The Nightwatchman’s first album drops.


You know what that means…The Strength and Honor Revolution will have a soundtrack!

Jesus Rode a Donkey

There is nothing worse then a sanctimonious piece of shit. This might be confusing to hear for some of you who know me only as a sexier version of Napoleon. This is why my new response to an old question posed to me this holiday weekend caused such an uproar.

The question was, “If you could have dinner with any three people, from any time in human history, who would it be, why would you pick them, and what would you eat?”

I have answered this question in the past, with each response I can remember representing the dominant phase of my evolution as a human. Gone are the days of Vanilla Ice, Wade Boggs, and Jerry Rice. So to, are the responses of a 20 year old Prez, (Halle Berry, Jenna Jameson, Tray Parker, and Britney Spears, Video Ho’s 1 and 4). As I approach the completion my first quarter century of life on earth this time around, I figured it would be best to think it through.

Changing Philosophy at the Brickyard?
Now, most of my friend’s responses were fast with little thought given. Still included in their responses were various athletes, porn stars, and other entertainers. Unique to a few responses was President Bush. This interested me, as most of the lads have historically been apolitical. Even more interesting, was the seemingly positive nature of his inclusion. Now I could see inviting him only to have an open season on berating his ineptitude, but not to talk about interns, hunting or farming.

Thus, my first response was meant to counter their oblivious nature to the idea of truth, justice, and freedom. My first response was Edward R. Murrow. After having to explain who he was, they got it.

On the flip side my second choice was Julius Caesar. On this I agree with my friends, the tyrant’s view of the world always makes for unique dinner conversation. So I figure, why not chose one of the best known in recorded history, if only to see how far we have come in the past 2,050 years. The democratic tyrants are just as evil, but do they ever hunt down their enemies themselves any more? No. At least Caesar himself went after Pompey and led the charge on horseback. Plus, I just saw the first season of HBO’s “Rome”. (It was good. Combining blood, sex, soap opera drama, and history is always sweet). Thus, my infatuation with the relationship between history, power, and mans lust for war was complete.

But it went to the next level.

My final selection caused the aforementioned uproar. The cynics were outraged and the heavens shook. Now, maybe it was just Tropical Storm Ernesto, but my selection of Jesus produced laughter, horror, and disbelief, so much so my drink flew off he table.

Bring on the Uproar
Why? To see him eat ribs? To prove that he exists? To ensure wine at the table? No tits at the table at all? No presidents? Just to ask him what he thinks of Mel Gibson Wacko Douche? To see him get high?
Why?
To talk to him about Ned Lamont, the war, the environment, and Aaron McGruder of course. According to a song I heard in High School, one simplified, educated middle class, white liberal view of the man we call Jesus was that in modern terms he was a long haired Socialist Jew. A Howard Zinn at the time of antiquity. And according to which book of the New Testament you read, he is either a symbol of peace or vengeance. No doubt in my mind he would be aghast at what has taken place in the past 2,000 years in his name. I could say the same for every other symbol of god that has been used on earth. I don’t think he would be angry with me that I don’t think he was the son of god. There were several prophets during the rule of the Romans in Palestine/Judea during the first century that sought similar ends, and suffered a similar fate.

“Your a DEMOCRAT, whose doesn’t attend mass, why would you want to meet JESUS?”

I said my friends were a-political, but they are totally susceptible to the media driven neo-conservative agenda.

I think Jesus would be a progressive Democrat. His mode of transportation not withstanding, he was a poor carpenter. Would he support Unions? Yes. Would he want universal healthcare? Yes. Would he want free education for all people? Yes. Of course, we wouldn’t really know unless we spoke with the man, over a nice dinner of Chicken Parm and linguine with frosty chocolate milkshakes.

The Christian Left exists, .................yes, they live in America.....I swear it.......and while they to are also scary, at least their priorities are not money and power. They seem to extole the philanthropic virtues of the message attributed to Jesus, Just ask Ramon Estavez…or Martin Sheen. So when the Conservatives use fear to pimp Jesus and God as vengeful to line their own pockets and the ballot boxes, while telling us all that they both would disapprove of Steven and Bob from next door getting married, tell them that as a poltical party and poltical idiology they do not have a covenant with god.
Whoever she is….

Karl Rove needs “His 3 million Evangelicals” to all vote in order to avoid conservative defeats this fall. Here's to hoping that they seek the path of righteousness and freedom, and avoid their normal path of manipulation, degradation, and discrimination.

Now I’ll get off my pedestal, because those who are sanctimonious make me sick….


-Also, thanks to a couple of fellow former residents of the Towers dorms who survived UConn with me, Doug E and The Moose, my readership has gone international. Unfortunately, it goes to one of the seediest places on earth, Souteast Asia, home to whores, pirates, terrorism, and The Island. Sounds like an awesome time to me! Guys, enjoy your travels and try not to end up with VD, or in one of those Indonesian jails.

As always ....Strength and Honor......