Lame, James Lame….
Attention...The following is the Prez's official review of the film Casino Royale. It contains some plot spoilers and broad descriptions of the plot and character development. Enjoy!
The Opening Credit Song-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7j93Bf-EyI
-Non-Audioslave Chris Cornell, a little too “Rock Star Supernova” for me….
The new James Bond movie is crap. I can’t say it any more clearly. Seeing the symbol of masculine cold war espionage suck so badly was like going to heaven and seeing god smoking crack.
The biggest problem was that I spent the week prior to my viewing Casino Royale watching about 14 previous Bond movies, many of them awesome. The idea of making the 21st Bond film a retelling of the first bond story is ill conceived because we know what happens. It was like sitting through the first two Star Wars prequels, simply painful. I don’t care if there was a time when Bond didn’t drink vodka martini, shaken not stirred. I am just not down with the whole "rebooting" of series that have run their due coarse that people still see as a revenue source. I didn't even really like the newest Batman film, in which the same tactics were used.
The Bond films have ebbed and flowed over the years, playing on the nature of viewer sensibilities, from the cheeky and witty, to the exploitative and badass, to the hardcore anti-communist. With no cold war, the enemy has become ambiguous terrorist organizations. More on this later.
In Casino Royale, the poker scenes lacked major elements that ESPN has made a requirement to viewing any game of No Limit, namely the table camera and commentary by Norman Chad. Thus, there is little to no tension built. How can we root for Bond if we don’t know if he can throw playing cards through fruit and and assorted veggies? Also, are we to believe that some Albanian terrorist financier is a master poker playing genius, and yet some how decided not to go to the World Series of Porker to recoup any of his lost money? Who in the name of Mike McD could consider this scenario possible? I am no poker genius, but Le Chiffe’s tell is awful, even worse the KGB’s. Sorry, any poker movie must be compared to Rounders. It is the standard. Also, as a life long resident of Connecticut, why does the poker game end up happening in Montenegro? Connecticut not fancy or international enough, not enough in need of a tourism boost? You know that shit should have taken place at either Foxwoods or Mohegan Sun.
What can I say, I rep my hood. Holla…
Plot wise, my dislike for the film does go beyond that. We live in the post Jack Bauer world here people. Thus, the exploits of the Bond character never seem hardcore, but often ridiculous, even when being tortured. You don’t deal with terrorism with wit and charm. You do it in a race against time where every move means almost certain death and where the government agency is not to be trusted under any circumstance. We do no live with our heads in the sand, why do the heroes in our movies?
.
A plot surrounding James Bond trying to outwit a financier of Terrorism is just lame. Oh no…..not a banker!!! We all know who finances terrorism in the real world anyway. They exist in every country, and live regular lives. They don’t own huge yachts and hustle people at poker. All you need to do is follow the money, not hack into some top secret database to figure this out. The fact that James Bond was helped by the Mujahideen (The Taliban ) in The Living Daylights (1987) to fight the Soviets is something that could and should be explored as a way of commenting on the west’s schizophrenic involvement in the region.
The Bond movies are escapist affairs, and thus make practically no comment on the actual chaos that exists all over the world. It is their greatest downfall, and yet this sentiment has occurred throughout the past Forty years. They were saying this during Vietnam and certainly after the 72’ Olympics. How about Bond trying directly to stop the war in Iraq, Global Warming, or the genocide in Darfur? How about Bond helping the victims of Hurricane Katrina, or creating universal healthcare? Ok,…I went a bit overboard there. However, in today’s reality, the character of James Bond becomes a symbol of the real British/American governments, and their inability to be solution orientated about several real life situations. Over 200 people were slaughtered in sectarian violence in Bagdad on Thanksgiving day. We are supposed to just forget about that and care some Trick Ass took money from James Bond. I just can’t, even if Caterina Murino and Eva Green both have giant natural breasts.
The film's casting was alright. Daniel Craig was good, but I have always concluded a better choice for a more gritty Bond would have been the immortal Clive Owen. Owen may be the best British actor ever, so perhaps it is best he stayed away from the terrible Bond scripts anyway. Eva Green is smokin’ fine, but since I saw her first in The Dreamers, it is a little disorienting to see her with clothes on not participating in scenes of incest. Judi Dench is great, but M as a women has taken some getting used to. The dude who plays Le Chiffe does the best with what he is given, but lets face it, even George Lucas could have written a better villain and ....dare I say, better dialogue.
The Prez’s official review:
Casino Royale gets 2 out of 5 Copies of The Communist Manifesto.
$-Do not pay full price to see this movie. It is far better then most DVD's that have come out in the past 6 months, but consider yourself warned.
Strength and Honor Comrades....
The Opening Credit Song-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7j93Bf-EyI
-Non-Audioslave Chris Cornell, a little too “Rock Star Supernova” for me….
The new James Bond movie is crap. I can’t say it any more clearly. Seeing the symbol of masculine cold war espionage suck so badly was like going to heaven and seeing god smoking crack.
The biggest problem was that I spent the week prior to my viewing Casino Royale watching about 14 previous Bond movies, many of them awesome. The idea of making the 21st Bond film a retelling of the first bond story is ill conceived because we know what happens. It was like sitting through the first two Star Wars prequels, simply painful. I don’t care if there was a time when Bond didn’t drink vodka martini, shaken not stirred. I am just not down with the whole "rebooting" of series that have run their due coarse that people still see as a revenue source. I didn't even really like the newest Batman film, in which the same tactics were used.
The Bond films have ebbed and flowed over the years, playing on the nature of viewer sensibilities, from the cheeky and witty, to the exploitative and badass, to the hardcore anti-communist. With no cold war, the enemy has become ambiguous terrorist organizations. More on this later.
In Casino Royale, the poker scenes lacked major elements that ESPN has made a requirement to viewing any game of No Limit, namely the table camera and commentary by Norman Chad. Thus, there is little to no tension built. How can we root for Bond if we don’t know if he can throw playing cards through fruit and and assorted veggies? Also, are we to believe that some Albanian terrorist financier is a master poker playing genius, and yet some how decided not to go to the World Series of Porker to recoup any of his lost money? Who in the name of Mike McD could consider this scenario possible? I am no poker genius, but Le Chiffe’s tell is awful, even worse the KGB’s. Sorry, any poker movie must be compared to Rounders. It is the standard. Also, as a life long resident of Connecticut, why does the poker game end up happening in Montenegro? Connecticut not fancy or international enough, not enough in need of a tourism boost? You know that shit should have taken place at either Foxwoods or Mohegan Sun.
What can I say, I rep my hood. Holla…
Plot wise, my dislike for the film does go beyond that. We live in the post Jack Bauer world here people. Thus, the exploits of the Bond character never seem hardcore, but often ridiculous, even when being tortured. You don’t deal with terrorism with wit and charm. You do it in a race against time where every move means almost certain death and where the government agency is not to be trusted under any circumstance. We do no live with our heads in the sand, why do the heroes in our movies?
.
A plot surrounding James Bond trying to outwit a financier of Terrorism is just lame. Oh no…..not a banker!!! We all know who finances terrorism in the real world anyway. They exist in every country, and live regular lives. They don’t own huge yachts and hustle people at poker. All you need to do is follow the money, not hack into some top secret database to figure this out. The fact that James Bond was helped by the Mujahideen (The Taliban ) in The Living Daylights (1987) to fight the Soviets is something that could and should be explored as a way of commenting on the west’s schizophrenic involvement in the region.
The Bond movies are escapist affairs, and thus make practically no comment on the actual chaos that exists all over the world. It is their greatest downfall, and yet this sentiment has occurred throughout the past Forty years. They were saying this during Vietnam and certainly after the 72’ Olympics. How about Bond trying directly to stop the war in Iraq, Global Warming, or the genocide in Darfur? How about Bond helping the victims of Hurricane Katrina, or creating universal healthcare? Ok,…I went a bit overboard there. However, in today’s reality, the character of James Bond becomes a symbol of the real British/American governments, and their inability to be solution orientated about several real life situations. Over 200 people were slaughtered in sectarian violence in Bagdad on Thanksgiving day. We are supposed to just forget about that and care some Trick Ass took money from James Bond. I just can’t, even if Caterina Murino and Eva Green both have giant natural breasts.
The film's casting was alright. Daniel Craig was good, but I have always concluded a better choice for a more gritty Bond would have been the immortal Clive Owen. Owen may be the best British actor ever, so perhaps it is best he stayed away from the terrible Bond scripts anyway. Eva Green is smokin’ fine, but since I saw her first in The Dreamers, it is a little disorienting to see her with clothes on not participating in scenes of incest. Judi Dench is great, but M as a women has taken some getting used to. The dude who plays Le Chiffe does the best with what he is given, but lets face it, even George Lucas could have written a better villain and ....dare I say, better dialogue.
The Prez’s official review:
Casino Royale gets 2 out of 5 Copies of The Communist Manifesto.
$-Do not pay full price to see this movie. It is far better then most DVD's that have come out in the past 6 months, but consider yourself warned.
Strength and Honor Comrades....
posted by The Dude at
8:01 PM
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