Just 15 hours...

Until ....Drum Role Please.......The LebanonBoys Fantasy Baseball Draft....Time to put on the Black Mask....and hope Papelbon falls to the 5th or 6th round....

Oh Its On...


Primetime Out....

This Just In...

"Armageddon is not a foreign policy"-Madeline Albright

House Gone Up in Flames

The death of Pat Tillman was back in the news again this week when the Government issued an edict that he was killed by friendly fire and that there was not a conspiracy to cover this fact. The Tillman family believes otherwise. The fact that Tillman's enlisting in the war was used as a symbol to be exploited by the marketers of the War on Terror in life and in death should not come as a surprise to anyone. He was an admirable figure, and recruit has been "down" for 3 years. However, the fact that the Department of Defense perpetuated a lie about how Tillman died in Afghanistan and used his death to try and generate positive pub after the disaster at Abu Ghraib prison is H#$#%S*&&. The fact that they continue to run from the cover up is so slimy, only the DoD could pull it off and make a crack addict look honorable.

This sad story will contiue to be played out every time the death of an American soldier is covered up to perpetuate the ignorance of those who feel the War in Iraq is a worthy cause in which to die. It will also be played out by the Tillman family, who will continue to expose the hypocrisy of the Department of Defense and the masters of this war.

'Just another example of that this is a "house gone up in flames"...

No Justice, No Peace

Rocky Balboa

This is the Prez’s long awaited official review of the film “Rocky Balboa”. Stallone used HGH to get into shape for the film. Maybe he should have just taken smack instead....

When I heard that Sylvester Stallone was planning on making a sixth and final installment of the Rocky series called “Rocky Balboa”.I felt it was a big joke. I have long felt the Rocky V, where a financially bankrupt Rocky trains an up and coming Tommy Morrison only to be screwed by brain damage, being an awful father, the pit falls of the fight game, and eventually brawls in the street with the shady boxing promoter was the worst movie that was ever made. I saw Rocky V twice, and ritualistically blocked its existence from my memory. However, the conversation would inevitably come up, which Rocky is better?, or Why was Rocky V made? Over the past 17 years, I found that it was about 80/20 that people would concur with my analysis. I always assumed the 20 percent were also into other awful things, like crack or genocide.

When “Rocky Balboa” opened I was still unable to bring myself to pay money to see another Rocky film. I wanted the last image of the Rocky character to be as the picture of enlightened progressive America with his amazing Cold War ending victory speech. I read Bill Simmons shaky review and two part mailbag. Thankfully the film passed by with a mixed reaction, and I never thought twice about not going.

This week I found myself was standing in Blockbuster with a copy of Erin Brockovich in hand. A shitty film yes, but perfect for teaching “Toxic Torts” to Law classes of seniors already thinking about the summer and the rest of their lives. I picked up a copy of The Prestige, a fine film, and made my way to the check outline. Then I heard the music and saw the trailer. So I decided to view the sixth installment of a series that has been dead for 17 years, and rented “Ricky Balboa”. I figured what the hey…If yoose can change…and I can change….

I don’t think my life will ever be the same. We live in a time of great uncertainty, when we cling to the hope that the basic elements of our society can come together on a daily basis to bring a semblance of tranquility and peace. As a cynic, I am blown away when my expectations are exceeded, which thankfully happens everyday. When it comes to films, all I ask is that the films I see be as good or better then the ideas I have for my scripts. Thus, watching “Rocky Balboa” was like being tortured over….and over…..and over again. It could not have been more pathetic. Thankfully, most my regular readers have seen it, so I won’t have to get into specifics. Had I spent $9.00 to see it in a theater, I would have gone to Stallone house to ask for my money back. It went from lame and boring to smaltz and shit back and forth and back and forth. When it was over I felt like I had witnessed a gangland murder. I felt sick,….and dirty.

I had to watch the entire first season of The Boondocks” in order to start feeling normal again.

If you haven't seen this film, consider yourself blessed.

Until next time,

The Godfather out

It's Papelbon

For those lost souls who may stumble upon this trite looking for actual news, the Boston Red Son announced this afternoon that John Papelbon will "remain" the teams closer for the upcoming 2007 season.

How can anyone be unhappy about this news, other then the fact that it does leave a hole in the rotation and the docters said Papelbon would be better suited with a move to the rotation I cannot think of a way this move can backfire.

The 2007 Boston Red Sox

Somehow a number of you were pissed the Prez decided to mark the Anniversary of the start of the War in Iraq. Hey, shit happens, deal with it. Here is the Prez's official preview of the 2007 Boston Red Sox. After reading this, check out Around the Blog,where they are writing nifty previews of each team.

As you read this, remember Manny Ramirez is making 20 Million Bucks this season.

I love this country. This is Ourrrrrr Counnntrrryyyyyyy.....

Two Weeks Away Kids…..

Owning a professional baseball franchise takes brass balls. You have to be shrewd, but not overtly evil and bombastic….unless your Steinbrenner. The owner of the Boston Red Sox John Henry is the anti-Steinbrenner. Instead of ruling over the team like Napoleon in drag, Henry entrusts the front office headed by Theo Epstein to do what it can to create a championship worthy team. Henry provides the cash, and Epstein tinkers. It is a combination that won a Worlds Series in 2004. Two and a half tumultuous years later, the Boston Red sox are a 130 million dollar quagmire. See for yourself.

A number of moves this past off-season , and the cash doled out, seemed to signal the death-nell of any possible “Moneyball” connections to the club. Many will see the clubs decision to promote Dustin Pedroia to a starting spot at 2b as a continuation of their “grand plan”. However, the signing of Daisuke Matzusaka, Julio Lugo, and J.D. Drew catapulted the Sox into a position of “most active off season team”. The Patriots are currently continuing this strategy to New Englanders great appreciation.

However, unlike the P-men, the signings by the Red Sox each can be seen as risk.

The acquisition of Drew blew peoples minds. People seem more interested in seeing him act as the prima-donna malcontent everyone outside of Epstein perceives him to be. There is a greater point to the signing of Drew. The fact that he is taking over for Trot Nixon, the ultimate dirt dog, places pressure on him that he has never…ever had to play with. This could be an A-Rod situation minus the position move. The best case scenario is that Drew stays healthy and performs in the spotlight. He could be another Cory Dillion-esque New England sports legend. It’s March, so I’ll stay optimistic on the J.D. Drew front…for now

At the time of publishing, the biggest concern for the 2007 Red Sox is the bullpen. The fragility of the bullpen without Papelbon as its anchor is almost as freighting as Waterbury’s CAPT test scores. With Papelbon sent to the rotation because of a shoulder scare at the end of ’06, the club signed veteran reliever Brandon Donnelly, starter turned reliever Joel Pinero, and former Minnesota Twin JC Romero. These signings were meant to go along with the ancient one, Mike Timlin, and the up can coming Craig Hanson, Manny Delcarmen, Julian Tavarez connection Add in Javier Lopez, Hideki, Okajima, Davern Hansack, and either Kason Gabbard or Kyle Snyder, there are plenty of arms to go around. The Question remains, who closes? We are fast approaching opening day in KC and nobody knows. I think Tavarez gets the call early. (Yes, I picked a Spazz to be the Closer.)

This means that we need Houston to tank. Brad Lidge may have had an ERA over 5 last year…in the NL. However, something drastic may need to happen to acquire a closer. Otherwise, this could be 2003 all over again.

The Offense should be pretty damn good. Assuming Drew is what Epstein feels he can be, “The Dew” provides an interesting link in the line up. Lugo can spray the ball all over the field, and has hit well at Fenway. Staying healthy will be essential. Drew, Lugo, and Varitek have missed extended time in recent seasons. Coco Crisp was god awful at times. Hopefully he starts to live up to expectations, or he could be shipped out for a closer. Hopefully, Manny can be Manny, and Ortiz can challenge for the MVP again. As long as the team stays healthy, Manny won’t have a reason to go AWOL.

I think this team stays competitive all season. Every Matsuzaka start is going to be huge, and may actually help take heat off of the rising ERA of Beckett and Schilling. With Jon Lester making a great comeback, there could be some solid wins we cannot fathom right now.

I love Papelbon. Again, he is an x-factor that could make the starting five the best in the world. If we stay healthy, this can be a club that dominates weaker teams.

The team needs to gel. I think a publicity angle for this team should include the United Nations in some way. Without the comedy styling’s of Gabe Kapler, the 2007 Red Sox could turn into the 2006 New York Yankees….a bunch of steroid using Scientologists. ohhhh snap......

I think we win 91 games and make the playoffs.

(Addendum: The Red Sox radio network made a huge mistake in not bringing back Jerry Trupiano. The fact they brought in Dave O'Brian adds salt to the wound, as O'Brian's effort to single handedly destroy last years World Cup won't soon be forgotten. And don't give me Glenn Geffner as the 3rd guy. That guy was probably John Henry's Pool Boy. You gotta kick it MNF style and bring in Sports Writer. I feel it is now a second rate broadcast overall, but still better then the Yankees, who bring in a broad to make John Sterling sound manly.)

THIS JUST IN….PROFESSIONAL WRESTLERS USE STERIODS……


-I’m Out Like George Washington…..To Pump Iron........Without Drugs....or .....Any Energy Whatsoever.....Strength and Honor

You Best' Recognize

Here we go. Four years into the War in Iraq.

For the stats that matter check this out.

The shit has hit the fan, but the neo-con dream of a Utopia in control of the oil is still alive. The "Teflon Neo Con" Karl Rove is still taking orders from Satan.

Like its dealings with Southeast Asia in 1968, the government has turn its back to the writing on the wall.

We cannot blame them for everything though. Foolish people were fooled by saditists. It happens to the foolish and ignorant all the time.

These days there is no crazy anti-war movement of white middle class college students like there was in the 1960's. We have long identified with our daily Dunkin Doughnuts more then the aged crooks who accomodate evil to fight evil. Freedom of Speech and Human Rights be damned, we get our social cues from the British D-Bag on American Idol.

I think it is time we got Simon Cowell to get political.

At the very least, it is time we decided to pressure the government into ending the terror once and for all. I urge any readers, Conservative or Liberal, to check out http://www.unitedforpeace.org/index.php.

I leave with my first poem in 10 years...

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who went to Fallujah when the President Lied,
Now his talents are lost to History,
For the man from Nantucket has Died.

-Strength and Honor Comrades....

Celtic Pride Lives....

I had to end my St.Patty's day celebration to just say how much I love the NBA. Despite the NCAA tourney in full swing, I have been more captivated by the past two Celtics games then any NCAA mens game in the past three years.

The Celtics just beat the Spurs for the first time in forever. It kills our chances to finish in the top two for the draft lottery, but how..sweet..it..is....

On tap for Monday:The Official Preview of the 2007 Boston Red Sox

The King is Back

After years of what history will call "Its Religious Period", The Simpsons hits you with this and suddenly you feel better.

The Shit Talk Express

Its real Hip Hop and it don’t stop ‘till we get the po-po off the block…

John McCain is back, and he is queerer then ever. Christian Conservatives say they dislike this fantabulous Senator, from the last state in the Union to celebrate Martin Luther King Day, for not being a “True Republican”. Since I have no clue what that means, I will have to assume that they think he is gay, or an illegal immigrant. Como Esta?

I have come to the conclusion that American Fast Food is the third worst thing to be created and spread across the world in the past 60 years. It is number three because it is only slightly less destructive then an H-Bomb or the freaky sexual practices of Marv Albert.

This week a friend of mine name Ben asked me what kind of music God listens to. Since he loves music, and God has clearly been on vacation for the passed 5000 years, Ben figured he is a huge Jimmy Buffet fan. Never having gottne into the aforementioned Buffet, I told him God was a certain Irish Lead Singer. It was then pointed out by the writiers of South Park that God may be Bi-Curious. It was later agreed God was probably was big into the intergalactic ally bizarre styling’s of Euro’s who play piano…..

I‘ve said it before and I’ll say it again, New England needs a crazy big outdoor festival concert like The Big Day Off, Bonnaroo, or Coachella. Why the Willimantic Recreation Department has not jumped at this opportunity I will never know. Crazy Stoners….

Duke just lost to VCU. Can you say Karma?…

What would you do if you took the South Park Character Test and you came out as Big Gay Al? Lets hope that Curt Shilling Blogs about this…

CT is trying to become the 10th state to allow 17 years olds to vote in Presidential Primarys. Can a Pete Wentz presidential bid be far away?

The Jolie-Pitt’s adopted a Vietnamese child. Can these people feed into every cliché ever? Good Grief...

I really hope that Newt Gingrich runs for President. That guy makes Giuliani look like the 40 year Old Virgin….

SAT Prep of the Day…
Satan is to Grays Anatomy, as Angus Young is to _______.
A. The Bay City Rollers
B. Journey
C. AC/DC
D. Van Halen

Answer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VlRUIHwygc

As many of you know The Prez does not smoke the Sticky Icky, but the following was a conversation I had this week.

My neighbor, The Weed Smoking Buddhist -“If Islam legalized the smoking of heavy amounts of weed after prayer, 9/11 would not have happened.”

My retort “Wake up, the government is lying about 9/11”

TWSB-“And people call me a loser”

TP-“The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence.

TWSB-“What?”

TP-“There are Known-Knowns, and Known-Unknowns, but there is also Unknown- Unknowns, things we don’t know that we don't know…It was probably Da Man, ”

TWSB-“Where did you hear that?”

TP-“Gin Rummy”

TWSB-“Aww Shit, that’s right”

TWSB-“Want to come over and puff”

TP-“Ahh no, I’m high on March Madness and The Boondocks”

TWSB-“Word”

Random statements by The Prez this week, To one day be quotes used in in Year Books and Money.
-Don Imus looks like death.
-Pork is good, but it’s like the Crack of American food.
-CAPT Testing feeds the hate that keeps America ignorant.
-The Department of Defense is the most corrupt organization in the world.
-I like water.
-3rd period makes me think about quittin'... and just pimpin’ ho's.

Its was a strange week….

Tonight We Dine In Hell....

Consider yourself warned. The following is the Prez’s official review of the Film “300” after two viewings. Spoilers and descriptions abound.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gfZnWVoqZ8

For millions of Americans March 9th had long been marked on the calendar. Due to several amazing well placed trailers, “300” seemed to on the surface have a little bit of everything. A warrior epic depicting the famous standoff during the Battle of Thermopylae, the film comes to us from the graphic novel by Frank Miller of the same name. Like Miller’s last project “Sin City”, “300” includes many similar CGI blue screen techniques that enable the graphic novel to come to life in a visual spectacle.

The ability of director Zack Taylor to blend the visual and the storyline is very impressive. Even for crazy over analytical historians like me, it is easy to get wrapped up in the actions of the strong determined characters. It is an excellent movie.

It is certainly not perfect. The fact that all the Spartans, “The good guys”, are all light skinned while all the Persians, “The bad guys”, are dark skinned provides a racist undertone many will call ridiculous, me included. The image of Persians (Modern day Iranians) as sadistic mutants with a freaky streak for orgies may ruffle more then a few feathers. The viewer easily roots against them even though you know they win the battle against the “300”.

Historically the film is told from the Spartan perspective. This perspective is lost to history. Thus, the many inaccuracies can be set aside if you see it as a Spartan retelling, as opposed to that of the victorious Athenians who we now know and love. The Spartans may have somehow justified their actions, but “Freedom” and “Equality” were certainly not them. This was crucial to the storyline, but seemed so remarkably lazy to me.

Hey Hollywood, If every ancient or medieval war was fought for freedom, wouldn’t if have been actually been established and disseminated prior to 1776?

The Thespians never ran away. A thousand of them fought and died along with the “300”.

Spartan life actually celebrated inequality, something that was hinted at during the retelling of the early life of King Leonidas. The Spartan life also celebrated war. The warrior nature is depicted nicely, but its modern day resemblance to fanatical religious D-bag martyr-wannabes left this viewer with an uneasy acceptance of the Spartans, as a nessessary evil before the victory.

The Prez has always accepted the postmodern historical perspective, that the Athenians brought the critical thinking to the table, while the Spartans fashioned a fascistic obsession with combat that pushed along humanities ability to conquer mother nature.

This idea has always added to my dislike of Michigan State, which is nice.

However, somewhere along the way none of this matters. Maybe it is the sight of thousands of arrows blotting out the sun, or the creation of a wall out of the dead Persians, but the jingoism and nihilism at the heart of the film adds to the action of the film. Fake violence works when done right, and the “300” has it and then some.

Leonidas is portrayed as a fearless leader, not a D-bag. Thus, any comparisons to anyone in the current American administration should only be used for the purpose of satire. Can you imagine Cheney in leather underwear? Or Bush going to war under false pretences?

naaaa.....me either.

So go see "300". Then go to Hooters. Make an evening out of it.

Then snap back to reality, recognize it is 2007, and get back to the business of avoiding eviction.

Prez Out

The Next President....Keeping it Real

This week I asked a group of Juniors who they would like to see be the next President of the United States. I figured the list would consist of your run of the mill celebutant losers and country music stars who have destroyed America.

While I was totally right, I came up with my own celebutant list.

The problem arises when you consider the fact that as much as an election can change things, the current state of affairs are such that no election can signal the death blow to hypocrisy and tyranny. They are everpresent in American life. All we can seek to do is chip away at it....and do our part. This time I reverted to what I would like if peace was on the horizon.

On with the list....

1.Chris Rock-Cuz "Head of State" was fantastic.

2.Ralph Nader-If only for a few months. He would probably loose it and end up moving to Canada.

3. Tom Brady-What a leader....

4. Fred Hampton Jr.-Fists Raised, Heads up, Eyes Up....repeat

5. Tony Kornhisier-Thats it thats the list...I Win....

6. Matthew McConaughey-Simply put, he could be Reagan with a tan..allllrightallrightallllright....

7.Barack Obama-May he one day be seen as a conservative

8.Jack Bauer-He's like Macgyver, but he kills terrorists

9.David Stern- Freedom could expand to parts unknown and urban hellscapes, .....like Detroit

10.Bill Russell-Eleven Championship Rings. Eleven!!!

Those Wacky Humans

“A good song should make you wanna tap your feet and get with your girl. A great song should destroy cops and set fire to the suburbs. I’m only interested in writing great songs.” –Tom Morello


It is rare for music to stir the emotions of the public like it has in the past. However, in Europe a storm is brewing over the inclusion of the song “Push the Button” by the Teapacks in the yearly Eurovision song competition. While the band denies it, many have come to believe the song is reference to the actions both past, present, and potentially future of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. With the band originating in Israel, the song has taken on intense political connotations. The Eurovision competition has long been non-political, and thus organizers have sought to remove the song from the competition.

I think the song comes off as a condemnation of the world leaders as a whole, but I don’t speak French or Hebrew. I don’t think the Finnish organizers should cut the song, but I am not Finnish and cannot begin to assume I understand the Fin’s cultural sensibilities. They probably don't want some fanatical Iranians going crazy in Finland. If there are actually any fanatical Iranians in Finland.

I think it is time we started to critique the world leaders as a whole more often. We get so stuck on blaming one, two, or three of them. Kim Jong Ill is evil, Lula is an idiot, the Canadian Prime Minister is Canadian...It gets us nowhere. Collectively, they suck. From Bush and Blair, to Ahmadinejad and Putin, Pervez Musharraf, and Hugo Chavez, the worlds most powerful men read like a group of egomaniacal D-bags we would all be better off without. The job of government is to protect citizens and these men threatened all of our security. These men use it to exact authority over the poor and seek profitable personal agendas. They are a detriment to all humans on earth.

To the people of earth…..It is time to think outside of the box……….. like The Boss.

Strength and Honor

Super Nintendo..Sega Genesis

The Prez is tired about talking about Politics. Even with a scandal over conditions at Walter Reed Hospital reeking havoc and the fact that “Scooter” Libby was found guilty(Get the Pardon ready Boy Prince!). Some Sports issues have taken precedent to kicking the Bush Administration while it takes us into the 5th circle of hell.

With the Celtics heading for five in row tomorrow night, my choice to follow Bill Simmons into the realm of Fantanking has me feeling anxious. We still hold the second worse record in the NBA, but the Bucks are playing awful. A friend of mine from ‘Sconsin envisions a frontcourt of Villanueva, Bogut, and Oden. I think I am going to vomit now….

The Patriots signed Adalius Thomas: Great pick...(But where was that money for Branch?)
The Patriots trade for Wes Welker: Ok...he must be better then Tim Dwight...right?
The Patriots trade away a second and a seventh round pick for Welker: Are you freaking kidding me? A second rounder? Does Welker also play DB?

Anyone have $200,000?, I want Payton Manning to wash my dishes and sweep my floor.

Manchester United’s Victory against Liverpool was outstanding. The clash versus Lille tomorrow should be epic considering the bitterness between the clubs. Being shorthanded without Saha and Solsjaer will be problematic for the next couple of weeks. Losing Larsson sucks. With both the UEFA and EPL titles in the balance, even more pressure will be on Sir Alex, Rooney, Ronaldo, and the rest of the lads….don't cock it up...

After reading a few Baseball publications the past few days I have begun to reconsider my approval of the Closer/Bullpen situation. As one publication put it, “It could be one ugly committee”.

The yearly Boston Bruins winning streak that teases fans in caring is in full swing. They are currently 4 points out of the 8th and final playoff spot. One more win, and I am in. With the UConn men not going to the tournament, I may need the B’s to tie me over this month.

The Ron Borges situation is a strange one. Not that he plagiarized, I think it happens more then we think, but I am talking about the unique way others in the media have reacted. The facts remains that as much as Borges was respected for going out on a limb as a writer, he was absolutely despised for his “pettiness” with regard to “The Kaiser” Bill Belichick. The guys on Weei’s “The Big Show” were practically giddy. As the Queens of the Kaiser’s Fan Club, Weei as a station has never hesitated to point out the Patriots success in relation to Borges’s continued obsession with trying to knock Belichick or his decisions as a virtuoso of the complex NFL system. As demonstrated in the article above, since Borges writes for the Globe, not doubt the Herald is pumped about the negative press the Globe will undoubtedly receive. It gives them a chance to bring up Mike Barnacle, which is always fun. Thus, while Borges is the focus, it provides the perfect background for all the major New England media outlets to go after the Globe. If I am Mike Felger, John Tomase, or Steve Buckley, I am not even trying to use a blog as a source.

The fall out from my analysis on Performance Enhancement has been clever, if not shock and awe.

The best line from reader “The Moose” in Rhode Island,

“The Prez writing about Performances Enhancement is akin to Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter having a sleep over the night before opening day.”

Ouch….

Good Luck to the fellas at Around the Blog, who are attempting to do a Peter Gammons-esque breakdown of all the teams in MLB throughout this month.

Ron Artest proves the old adage, “People who go into the stands to beat up drunk basketball fans, probably end up beating up women”

Scottie Pippen will never be Michael Jordan. Somebody please let him know this…

A belated congratulations to the American guy who won the 2006 World's Strongest Man competition. Watching that at 2:30 in the morning was inspiring.

And if you don’t know…now you know……

1/20/09 Chronicles follow up

In keeping up with Bill Simmons recent column, The Prez kicks it Simmons-style to pub himself and lambast a collegue...


It seems my recent edition of the 1/20/09 Chronicles on Rudy Giuliani was right on the button. Even Yahoo thinks so.

Thats right....... Prez 1, Rest of the Bloggosphere(Including Cheney) 0

Byah!!!!

Random Rants....Performance Enhancement Edition

For years The Prez has been accused of waffling on the issue of Performance Enhancement, and has decided that now is the time to make a statement on the matter.

When I saw the movie Robocop for the first time, I thought it was lame. It was a homeless mans Terminator. However, Robocop did introduce a generation of Americans to the idea of artificially enhancing a human being to withstand the limits of our abilities. Then Ben Johnson was stripped of his Gold Medal in the 19988 Summer Olympic Games in Seoul, South Korea for using Anabolic Steroids. Around the same time, although we didn’t know it then, the Bash Brothers signature forearm smash was exploding as a national phenomena as the A’s two best hitters were enjoying their time in the bathroom injecting themselves with steroids.

The idea of performance enhancement for the purpose of sports has long been considered an evil on par with gambling to loose the World Series or child abuse.

However, on March 27, 1998 the FDA announced some eager scientists at Phizer had changed all that. Now, Performance Enhancement takes on a new life. Now 100% of the time, you could be ready 100% of the time. Around the same time in Northern California, a company called BALCO began distributing “The Cream” and “The Clear”, doctored versions of the steroid Tetrahydrogestrinone.

It is hypocracy. "Yes"to artificial PE when you in the groove with your nonsupermodel, but certainly a giant "No" to PE in order to become a millionaire professional athlete who actually gets supermodels.

By 2003 the Bush Administration got involved. In their infant like wisdom, the government heightened fear over steroid use by the nation’s youth (Oh Wont Somebody Please Think Of The Children!!!!!). Somehow we tricked ourselves into believing our athletes were clean,and that it mattered to our daily lives. It’s like believing professional athletes never cheat on their significant others. We were living in Candyland, while Hef took on 7 Girlfriends.

Life in America the past three years has been plagued by Performance Enhancement. That is why today I am coming out in favor of Performance Enhancement in all of its forms. You cannot have one without the other. Since I will one day be 85 and probably have ED, I’m down with PE.

The PE Paradigm is hypocritical. I don’t advocate using anabolic steroids, but it all comes down to personal responsibility. That stuff shrinks your balls and causes cancer. Plus, you also end up acting like Danny Bonaduce, Dick Cheney, or Terrell Owens.

However, it will all be worth it when me and Heidi are kickin' it in 2066.