Random Rants....Performance Enhancement Edition
For years The Prez has been accused of waffling on the issue of Performance Enhancement, and has decided that now is the time to make a statement on the matter.
When I saw the movie Robocop for the first time, I thought it was lame. It was a homeless mans Terminator. However, Robocop did introduce a generation of Americans to the idea of artificially enhancing a human being to withstand the limits of our abilities. Then Ben Johnson was stripped of his Gold Medal in the 19988 Summer Olympic Games in Seoul, South Korea for using Anabolic Steroids. Around the same time, although we didn’t know it then, the Bash Brothers signature forearm smash was exploding as a national phenomena as the A’s two best hitters were enjoying their time in the bathroom injecting themselves with steroids.
The idea of performance enhancement for the purpose of sports has long been considered an evil on par with gambling to loose the World Series or child abuse.
However, on March 27, 1998 the FDA announced some eager scientists at Phizer had changed all that. Now, Performance Enhancement takes on a new life. Now 100% of the time, you could be ready 100% of the time. Around the same time in Northern California, a company called BALCO began distributing “The Cream” and “The Clear”, doctored versions of the steroid Tetrahydrogestrinone.
It is hypocracy. "Yes"to artificial PE when you in the groove with your nonsupermodel, but certainly a giant "No" to PE in order to become a millionaire professional athlete who actually gets supermodels.
By 2003 the Bush Administration got involved. In their infant like wisdom, the government heightened fear over steroid use by the nation’s youth (Oh Wont Somebody Please Think Of The Children!!!!!). Somehow we tricked ourselves into believing our athletes were clean,and that it mattered to our daily lives. It’s like believing professional athletes never cheat on their significant others. We were living in Candyland, while Hef took on 7 Girlfriends.
Life in America the past three years has been plagued by Performance Enhancement. That is why today I am coming out in favor of Performance Enhancement in all of its forms. You cannot have one without the other. Since I will one day be 85 and probably have ED, I’m down with PE.
The PE Paradigm is hypocritical. I don’t advocate using anabolic steroids, but it all comes down to personal responsibility. That stuff shrinks your balls and causes cancer. Plus, you also end up acting like Danny Bonaduce, Dick Cheney, or Terrell Owens.
However, it will all be worth it when me and Heidi are kickin' it in 2066.
When I saw the movie Robocop for the first time, I thought it was lame. It was a homeless mans Terminator. However, Robocop did introduce a generation of Americans to the idea of artificially enhancing a human being to withstand the limits of our abilities. Then Ben Johnson was stripped of his Gold Medal in the 19988 Summer Olympic Games in Seoul, South Korea for using Anabolic Steroids. Around the same time, although we didn’t know it then, the Bash Brothers signature forearm smash was exploding as a national phenomena as the A’s two best hitters were enjoying their time in the bathroom injecting themselves with steroids.
The idea of performance enhancement for the purpose of sports has long been considered an evil on par with gambling to loose the World Series or child abuse.
However, on March 27, 1998 the FDA announced some eager scientists at Phizer had changed all that. Now, Performance Enhancement takes on a new life. Now 100% of the time, you could be ready 100% of the time. Around the same time in Northern California, a company called BALCO began distributing “The Cream” and “The Clear”, doctored versions of the steroid Tetrahydrogestrinone.
It is hypocracy. "Yes"to artificial PE when you in the groove with your nonsupermodel, but certainly a giant "No" to PE in order to become a millionaire professional athlete who actually gets supermodels.
By 2003 the Bush Administration got involved. In their infant like wisdom, the government heightened fear over steroid use by the nation’s youth (Oh Wont Somebody Please Think Of The Children!!!!!). Somehow we tricked ourselves into believing our athletes were clean,and that it mattered to our daily lives. It’s like believing professional athletes never cheat on their significant others. We were living in Candyland, while Hef took on 7 Girlfriends.
Life in America the past three years has been plagued by Performance Enhancement. That is why today I am coming out in favor of Performance Enhancement in all of its forms. You cannot have one without the other. Since I will one day be 85 and probably have ED, I’m down with PE.
The PE Paradigm is hypocritical. I don’t advocate using anabolic steroids, but it all comes down to personal responsibility. That stuff shrinks your balls and causes cancer. Plus, you also end up acting like Danny Bonaduce, Dick Cheney, or Terrell Owens.
However, it will all be worth it when me and Heidi are kickin' it in 2066.
Labels: Hugh Hefner, Performance Enhancement
posted by The Dude at
2:37 PM
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