Jesus Rode a Donkey

There is nothing worse then a sanctimonious piece of shit. This might be confusing to hear for some of you who know me only as a sexier version of Napoleon. This is why my new response to an old question posed to me this holiday weekend caused such an uproar.

The question was, “If you could have dinner with any three people, from any time in human history, who would it be, why would you pick them, and what would you eat?”

I have answered this question in the past, with each response I can remember representing the dominant phase of my evolution as a human. Gone are the days of Vanilla Ice, Wade Boggs, and Jerry Rice. So to, are the responses of a 20 year old Prez, (Halle Berry, Jenna Jameson, Tray Parker, and Britney Spears, Video Ho’s 1 and 4). As I approach the completion my first quarter century of life on earth this time around, I figured it would be best to think it through.

Changing Philosophy at the Brickyard?
Now, most of my friend’s responses were fast with little thought given. Still included in their responses were various athletes, porn stars, and other entertainers. Unique to a few responses was President Bush. This interested me, as most of the lads have historically been apolitical. Even more interesting, was the seemingly positive nature of his inclusion. Now I could see inviting him only to have an open season on berating his ineptitude, but not to talk about interns, hunting or farming.

Thus, my first response was meant to counter their oblivious nature to the idea of truth, justice, and freedom. My first response was Edward R. Murrow. After having to explain who he was, they got it.

On the flip side my second choice was Julius Caesar. On this I agree with my friends, the tyrant’s view of the world always makes for unique dinner conversation. So I figure, why not chose one of the best known in recorded history, if only to see how far we have come in the past 2,050 years. The democratic tyrants are just as evil, but do they ever hunt down their enemies themselves any more? No. At least Caesar himself went after Pompey and led the charge on horseback. Plus, I just saw the first season of HBO’s “Rome”. (It was good. Combining blood, sex, soap opera drama, and history is always sweet). Thus, my infatuation with the relationship between history, power, and mans lust for war was complete.

But it went to the next level.

My final selection caused the aforementioned uproar. The cynics were outraged and the heavens shook. Now, maybe it was just Tropical Storm Ernesto, but my selection of Jesus produced laughter, horror, and disbelief, so much so my drink flew off he table.

Bring on the Uproar
Why? To see him eat ribs? To prove that he exists? To ensure wine at the table? No tits at the table at all? No presidents? Just to ask him what he thinks of Mel Gibson Wacko Douche? To see him get high?
Why?
To talk to him about Ned Lamont, the war, the environment, and Aaron McGruder of course. According to a song I heard in High School, one simplified, educated middle class, white liberal view of the man we call Jesus was that in modern terms he was a long haired Socialist Jew. A Howard Zinn at the time of antiquity. And according to which book of the New Testament you read, he is either a symbol of peace or vengeance. No doubt in my mind he would be aghast at what has taken place in the past 2,000 years in his name. I could say the same for every other symbol of god that has been used on earth. I don’t think he would be angry with me that I don’t think he was the son of god. There were several prophets during the rule of the Romans in Palestine/Judea during the first century that sought similar ends, and suffered a similar fate.

“Your a DEMOCRAT, whose doesn’t attend mass, why would you want to meet JESUS?”

I said my friends were a-political, but they are totally susceptible to the media driven neo-conservative agenda.

I think Jesus would be a progressive Democrat. His mode of transportation not withstanding, he was a poor carpenter. Would he support Unions? Yes. Would he want universal healthcare? Yes. Would he want free education for all people? Yes. Of course, we wouldn’t really know unless we spoke with the man, over a nice dinner of Chicken Parm and linguine with frosty chocolate milkshakes.

The Christian Left exists, .................yes, they live in America.....I swear it.......and while they to are also scary, at least their priorities are not money and power. They seem to extole the philanthropic virtues of the message attributed to Jesus, Just ask Ramon Estavez…or Martin Sheen. So when the Conservatives use fear to pimp Jesus and God as vengeful to line their own pockets and the ballot boxes, while telling us all that they both would disapprove of Steven and Bob from next door getting married, tell them that as a poltical party and poltical idiology they do not have a covenant with god.
Whoever she is….

Karl Rove needs “His 3 million Evangelicals” to all vote in order to avoid conservative defeats this fall. Here's to hoping that they seek the path of righteousness and freedom, and avoid their normal path of manipulation, degradation, and discrimination.

Now I’ll get off my pedestal, because those who are sanctimonious make me sick….


-Also, thanks to a couple of fellow former residents of the Towers dorms who survived UConn with me, Doug E and The Moose, my readership has gone international. Unfortunately, it goes to one of the seediest places on earth, Souteast Asia, home to whores, pirates, terrorism, and The Island. Sounds like an awesome time to me! Guys, enjoy your travels and try not to end up with VD, or in one of those Indonesian jails.

As always ....Strength and Honor......