To the Victors Go the Spoils

Fresh off his weekend partying with members of the Boston Celtics (Awesome!!!) and Kevin Costner (Way smaller in person then you imagine) at Mohegan Sun this passed weekend, the Prez makes his official picks Shwammi style.

"Don't.......Don't.... Don't ..........DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE"-Publc Enemy

Rhode Island
Our Gangsterish friends to the east will be voting on building an Indian Casino to compete with ours in Connecticut. Here’s to hoping it doesn’t past, and that I don’t end up swimming with the fishes for referring to the citizens of Rhode Island as “Gangsterish”. My gut tells me it passes, setting up a brother vs. brother contest to the economic death for people who should get their heads out of their asses and contest the South for most “patriotic”/“powerful” region in the country.

5th District
Nancy “The Beast” Johnson vs. Chris “The Golden Boy” Murphy

Nancy “The Beast” Johnson falls in a shocker to the Chris “The Golden Boy” Murphy. Down Goes Johnson!!!! …Down Goes Johnson!!!!…..Johnson will then accuse Americans of being terrorists against themselves, and go work for Halliburton after writing a book with friend Eva Braun …….ahem…I mean Ann Coulter.

4th District
Chris “The Southern Dandy” Shays vs. Diane “The Night Train” Ferrell

Right now the polls are showing this to be a virtual tie, and national pundits see Shays struggle as an indictment of the Republican failure in Iraq. Part of me is an optimist, so I think that “The Night Train” pulls it out, even if it is not actually decided until after multiple recounts.

2nd District
Rob “I Have No Personality” Simmons vs. Joe “The Captain” Courtney

In a district that is as hotly contested as the fighting 2nd, neither candidate showed the personality required to be a more significant figure in the eyes of the public. I mean, the 2nd district is the shit….. the proverbial Gerald Green of the Northeastern United States. But each guy leaves a lot to be desired, and “The Captain” didn’t do enough to get Hispanics in Windham, Enfield, and all places in between more involved in the campaign. It will cost "The Captain", and my peeps in the fighting 2nd who are as liberal and pioneering as myself, will continue to live in the haze of bleakness and despair that only comes with a pathetic conformist congressional representative with no personality. And so let it be written on November 8th, “There will be no joy in Uncasville, the mighty Courtney has struck out.”

Governor
M. Jodi “Da Rell” Rell vs. John “The Truth” DeStefano

The fact that “Da Rell” has created a perception of herself as a source of stability in Connecticut after the disgrace of the John Rowland Era made whoever was going to run against her an up hill battle. This of coarse is despite the fact “Da Rell” was a main cog in the Rowland Political Machine. Nutmeggers are lazy when it comes to voting for the G Spot. It’s like the Celtics. Starting Gerald Green alongside Paul Pierce would help the lads in the long run, but the potential problems in the short run are considered too great, and thus steady Wally Szczerbiak will get the nod until the team is out of it or the trading deadline is upon us. Thus, like the Dems in CT Green is left to feed off the scraps of garbage time. The problem is that most Nutmeggers don’t understand that Connecticut hasn’t been to the playoffs in a long friggin’ time, and that November 7th is the trading deadline. “Da Rell” wins in a landslide, the potential political giant that is the state of Connecticut will continue to be cockblocked by the idiots that run it, and the Midwest will rejoice at the Northeast’s and America’s misfortune.

The Main Event
Joe “Mr. Armageddon” Lieberman vs. Ned “The Raging Bull” Lamont vs. Alan “Kid Gorgeous” Schlesinger

To paraphrase Dave Chappelle, What is left to be said about this political race that hasn’t already been said about Afghanistan? For all the optimism, all the intrigue, all the hype, and all the excitement that this political race has generated here in Connecticut and around the world, let us not forget that this is still America. So what if “Mr. Armageddon” backs an illegal war and an illigimate president? He didn’t try to have sex with his page boy did he? I almost want to vote for “Kid Gorgeous”, who actually had some great lines during the debates. Lamont’s summer of ’06 was magical, earning him the reputation as a potential policy reformer who garnered national figure status. But “The Raging Bull” has faded as the DNC set its sites on funding candidates that needed the cash. The Bull ran out of steam in September and got trapped in a battle between young and old. Old people vote in droves, never saw the film Garden State, go to bed at 9:00, and because they are going to die soon anyways, love Mr. Armageddon. This is going to make for one awkward meeting between Mr. Armageddon, Chris Dodd, and Nancy Pelosi down in Washington.

Thus, In CT I see some change on the horizon, but only in the fact that the dominant party has to lose some seats eventually when things go badly. Nothing in terms of extreme change, but maybe enough to help shake some things up nationally.

Also, I advise everyone to read the currant issue of Rolling Stone. The article by Matt Taibbi about Congress puts this election into a unique perspective. It is now a winner take all situation for the fate of America. However, the system and the sentiment will not allow radical change to occur, just the slow agonizing decline every Superpower in history has gone through.

As for who I am voting for, I am finding it easier to be Green this time of year then in years past. Some of the Green's have left the races, so I will replace them with Dems accordingly.

Nationally, look for Harald Ford Jr. to win in Tennesse, and potentially recapture his place as a future Presidential candidate. Ford is Clinton-esque as times, and was Obama before Obama was cool...

Strength and Honor Comarades....