The Worlds Oldest Profession
Part Two of the Prez's series, "The Whoring of America". Part One was published in the "One United", a Manchester United Fan magazine.
This weekend the nation was abuzz. No, it was not for the Final Four of Men’s (Disappointing) and Women’s (The ESPN Invitational) college basketball. No, it was not even for the start of the most beloved sport in the 15 foot radius around my apartment, Baseball. Instead the nation’s media outlets were transfixed by the announcements of each primary candidate’s first quarter fundraising efforts.
That’s right….Fundraising Efforts.
Like buying a Hummer, I found the whole episode disgusting. Are we supposed to be surprised that every fundraising record was broken? These people have been campaigning non stop since November, and in the case of the front runners, for years if not decades.
If you were surprised, stop reading this post and go back to living life with your head up your ass.
Interestingly Barack Obama held out from making the amount known, and was victorious in the early week news cycle for milking the suspense of his announcement like Vince McMahan at Wrestlemania.
Am I supposed to be impressed? Well…I am not. All this situation proves is that whoring yourself out to the highest bidder and creating a façade of optimism for the future is a skill. A demonic Rush Limbough/Peter Griffin kind of skill.
To perpetuate this “Primary Season”, Americans have been asked to be impressed by bags of blow instead of our normal vials of crack. I am blown away by our willingness to bow down to our "Leaders".
Yes, more money now could lead to big things later, but what happens when Hilary Clinton is seen by millions on YouTube slapping around a staffer, or when Mitt Romney is found to have a unique fish fetish ala Troy McClure.
And then there is Chris Dodd. By knowing his lack of funds, he must be contemplating pulling a Syd Barrett and just losing it. His new campaign theme song should be a certain Pink Floyd epic, crafted while in the depths of madness.
I can see him at a tour stop actually forgoing the stump speech for a happy jig with a kazoo singing “Now I’m wondering who is running my campaignnnnn”
Observations of the Week
-John McCain is old…very…very …old.
-Judith Giuliani is straight up bonkers. And no, not because she wants to sit in on Cabinet Meetings.
-Hilary Clinton is hated by more Americans then Billy Packer or Tom Cruise put together. And she might win! You telling me Howard Stern or Tom brady couldn't win this thing in a landslide?
-John Edwards is one Martin Sheen photo op from starring in The American President Part Duex
-Pat Buchannan needs to give it another go at the Presidency. It would be awesome.
-Billy Donovan…You next coach of the Boston Celtics.
-Joe Bidden is to American Politics as Kenny is to South Park.
-The Dennis Kucinich campaign song .Complete with bight colors. Hippies love bright colors.
-Listening to Don Imus on Radio or watching him on TV for a week ages a person 10 years.
-Mitt Romney’s smile could fuel a small island’s fishing industry.
Just remember folks...
“A Noble Sprit Embiggins us all” –Jebediah Springfield
This weekend the nation was abuzz. No, it was not for the Final Four of Men’s (Disappointing) and Women’s (The ESPN Invitational) college basketball. No, it was not even for the start of the most beloved sport in the 15 foot radius around my apartment, Baseball. Instead the nation’s media outlets were transfixed by the announcements of each primary candidate’s first quarter fundraising efforts.
That’s right….Fundraising Efforts.
Like buying a Hummer, I found the whole episode disgusting. Are we supposed to be surprised that every fundraising record was broken? These people have been campaigning non stop since November, and in the case of the front runners, for years if not decades.
If you were surprised, stop reading this post and go back to living life with your head up your ass.
Interestingly Barack Obama held out from making the amount known, and was victorious in the early week news cycle for milking the suspense of his announcement like Vince McMahan at Wrestlemania.
Am I supposed to be impressed? Well…I am not. All this situation proves is that whoring yourself out to the highest bidder and creating a façade of optimism for the future is a skill. A demonic Rush Limbough/Peter Griffin kind of skill.
To perpetuate this “Primary Season”, Americans have been asked to be impressed by bags of blow instead of our normal vials of crack. I am blown away by our willingness to bow down to our "Leaders".
Yes, more money now could lead to big things later, but what happens when Hilary Clinton is seen by millions on YouTube slapping around a staffer, or when Mitt Romney is found to have a unique fish fetish ala Troy McClure.
And then there is Chris Dodd. By knowing his lack of funds, he must be contemplating pulling a Syd Barrett and just losing it. His new campaign theme song should be a certain Pink Floyd epic, crafted while in the depths of madness.
I can see him at a tour stop actually forgoing the stump speech for a happy jig with a kazoo singing “Now I’m wondering who is running my campaignnnnn”
Observations of the Week
-John McCain is old…very…very …old.
-Judith Giuliani is straight up bonkers. And no, not because she wants to sit in on Cabinet Meetings.
-Hilary Clinton is hated by more Americans then Billy Packer or Tom Cruise put together. And she might win! You telling me Howard Stern or Tom brady couldn't win this thing in a landslide?
-John Edwards is one Martin Sheen photo op from starring in The American President Part Duex
-Pat Buchannan needs to give it another go at the Presidency. It would be awesome.
-Billy Donovan…You next coach of the Boston Celtics.
-Joe Bidden is to American Politics as Kenny is to South Park.
-The Dennis Kucinich campaign song .Complete with bight colors. Hippies love bright colors.
-Listening to Don Imus on Radio or watching him on TV for a week ages a person 10 years.
-Mitt Romney’s smile could fuel a small island’s fishing industry.
Just remember folks...
“A Noble Sprit Embiggins us all” –Jebediah Springfield
posted by The Dude at
6:58 PM
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